Boris Johnson has unveiled his diplomatic plan to engage with King Felipe and Queen Letizia over Brexit negotiations at a state meal.
Johnson told the Herald, “The trick with the dagos is to SPEAK LOUDLY AND CLEARLY WHILST GESTURING AT WHAT YOU WANT.”
It’s understood that Mr Johnson has been rehearsing some jokes to use as ice breakers telling the Herald, “What do you call a spick whose car has been stolen? Carlos.”
Mr Johnson has also caused some embarrassment by continually referring to Queen Letizia as ‘the infanta ‘.
For his part King Felipe has told the Herald he’s only been here 24 hours and he’s already fed up of being asked how to correctly pronounce Chorizo. “For a country who want nothing to do with the EU you seem to spend a lot of time discussing Spanish pork products.”
Elsewhere, Conservative MP’s voiced anger at the king for not mentioning the Government of Gibraltar in a speech to Parliament. One told us, “It’s absolutely unacceptable. I expected much more patriotism from him. He could at least be positive about it and acknowledge the UK’s rights to it.”
Prince Harry has made an impression though. He will take the royal couple on a tour of Westminster on Thursday. The royal couple will see the burial site of Eleanor of castile who was married to Edward I.
Queen Letizia told us, “Prince Henry seems nice.I spoke to him whilst his father had a conversation with a rose Bush. He kept saying how English royals had a good history of marrying Spanish royals although, he could only name Eleanor of Castile and Catherine of Aragon. He also kept pointing out how Catherine had once been married to Henry VIII’s older brother Arthur and how she had married Henry after Arthur died.
He also showed me his wine collection. 70 bottles of Campo Viejo and 20 crates of Estrella Damn. He has offered to show me his pictures of Mexico as we both like the country. He seems a little lonely. What’s strip billiards?”
For his part Prince Harry told us “Phwoar. Have you seen the arse on that?”
The Herald also understands that King Felipe is looking forward to meeting British business leaders. “Sir Philip Green is very interesting to us. His tips on corruption practices will come in useful. Also, we look forward to finding out how British business men are able to structure their tax affairs so admirably.”
Tonight the royals will attend a small party at the Spanish embassy in London and tomorrow they will have an audience with Prince Philip where he will insult them for an hour.
“It’s an honour to be the last dignitary to be insulted by Prince Philip.”
Satire from the Rochdale Herald